I Have a Bad Habit

I push emotions aside.
I bury words that need to be spoken.
I shut down and shut people out.
I become an emotionless robot, powering through pain, emotional or physical, to get things done.
The irony? I always tell my kids, “Talk about how you feel. Don’t hold it inside.”
But the truth is… they have a safe place to land.
I never did.

Someone recently asked me, “Were you always like this?”
No.
It was disappointment after disappointment.
Heartbreak after heartbreak.
People I trusted, people who said they loved me…leaving. Every time.

That’s what made this heart of mine go cold.

But don’t let my cold exterior fool you.
Beneath the frozen walls that protect my heart is something soft… still beating.
A heart that wants to believe in true love, real values, karma, and happy endings.

I still smile at puppies.
Babies still melt me.
I’m not the Grinch.

But when someone disrupts my peace or gets too close?
I panic. I push. I run.
Well… roll. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Why?

Because everyone who ever said they loved me… left.
My family. My friends. My partners.
From the day I was born, I was searching for love and acceptance.
And my childhood? Let’s just say it’s too long and too painful for a single post.

So I built a wall.
A big one.
To protect the little bit of heart I have left.

Now, I stay quiet when I want to scream.
I don’t reach out unless someone reaches first.
I give my all… until I feel it’s not appreciated.
And then? I stop.
I stop chasing.
I stop showing up for people who don’t show up for me.

I match energy. Always.
And I used to care way too much about what people thought of me.
My grandmother raised me to be mindful of my image.
But she never told me:
You can’t control what people think of you.

Not the petty ones.
Not the broken ones.
Not the insecure, unstable, miserable ones who want to dim your light because theirs went out.

What I Learned

Stay true to yourself.
Work on you.
Elevate your vibration.

When you do that?
The toxic people will remove themselves.
The real ones… the better energies… they’ll come out to play.

And always, always protect your peace.
Because you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Forgiveness Without Apology

You can’t blame me for who I became.
Blame the ones who shattered me when I was already down.
Who tore apart my trust while I stood there begging for mercy.

But still…
I hold no grudges.

I’ve spent the past four years learning to forgive people who weren’t even sorry.
I’ve learned that closure doesn’t always come with an apology.

Sometimes closure is you, choosing yourself.
Choosing your peace.
Choosing to heal… even when they’re still broken.

If you’re reading this and it hit you in the chest… just know, you’re not alone.

You’re not bitter. You’re not broken. You’re healing.
And healing isn’t soft. It’s savage.
But damn… it’s beautiful, too.

Krystina | #wheelstrong

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