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When Numb Becomes Your Survival Language
“I wish you would open up, Krystina.” I hear it a lot.From family. From friends. From strangers who follow my story online.But what they don’t understand is…this guard I carry wasn’t built…it grew. It grew from everything I’ve survived.It’s not a wall I consciously put up.It’s muscle memory.It’s my default setting.It’s the way I…
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It Wasn’t the Accident That Broke Me
When I tell people what happened to me,I always pause when I see the look on their face. That wide-eyed shock.That “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”The disbelief.The pity. But what they don’t know….what they could never guess….is that the most traumatizing part of my storydidn’t happen in the car.Or the hospital.Or even the…
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The Wall I Built to Survive…
I Have a Bad Habit I push emotions aside.I bury words that need to be spoken.I shut down and shut people out.I become an emotionless robot, powering through pain, emotional or physical, to get things done.The irony? I always tell my kids, “Talk about how you feel. Don’t hold it inside.”But the truth is……
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Wearing My Tragedy Like a Clunky Watch
If I’m being honest…I’m exhausted. I wouldn’t wish this condition on anyone.Not because I don’t have strength… but because this kind of strength shouldn’t have to exist.The loneliness that comes with it is overwhelming.And the truth? Talking about it makes people uncomfortable. But not talking about it?That’s what almost broke me. I live with…
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I’m tired.
I’m tired. Tired of being underestimated.Tired of being belittled.Tired of being left out of plans like I don’t exist…simply because I’m disabled.I’m tired of being treated like less than. As a quadriplegic with little to no help, I’ve still managed to accomplish so much.And yet… people only see the chair.Or worse…my past. Yes, I…
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Dumb Sh*t People Say!
“You’re so lucky to always have a seat!” The first time I heard this, I was stunned.Like… what level of ignorance does it take to look at a wheelchair and think privilege? I blissfully pretended not to hear him.Didn’t want to ruin my day… or get arrested for running him over with my “always…
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The Door Was Big Enough… But I Never Asked to Be Saved
When inspiration hits,shut up and listen. Because sometimes…it doesn’t come soft.It comes like a wave…one you’ve been trying to outrun your whole life. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning.Not in water…but in a deep, dark ocean of my own emotions.My own trauma.It wraps around me like seaweed,pulling me down,freezing my heart…or what’s left of…
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This Wasn’t the Plan
This Wasn’t the Plan This is not how I pictured I’d be living my life at 34.But here I am.Every glorious inch of me wretched in pain…nerve pain, muscle pain, musculoskeletal pain…pain pain, if there is such a thing. Sitting on my shower chair,too tired to cry, too numb to scream.Smoking a blunt, balanced…
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Two Years in This Apartment (and a Lifetime in My Mind)
Coming up this April, it’ll be two years since I signed the lease for this apartment.And while I’m glad I took that leap of faith…while I’m proud I trusted myself to finally live again…this place is also filled with ghosts. Not literal ones (thank God),but the kind of ghosts that follow you from trauma…
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“If I Were You, I’d Kill Myself”
What would you do if someone looked you dead in the face and said, “If I were in your shoes, I’d kill myself”? Yeah. That happened.More than once, actually. The first time, I was in shock.The second time, I started to unravel.The third time… I couldn’t even pretend to laugh it off. Because let’s…