By Krystina | #Wheelstrong

To the men who hit me with:

“You must be messing around with other guys if you can’t message me back…”
Or any other version of that tired-ass line…

Let me say this real clear:

I am not other girls.

I have goals.
I have healing.
I have kids.
I have a mission.

And stressing over a man just so he can come in and fck up my life again?
Not on my to-do list.

Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’m entertaining someone else.
It might just mean…
I have nothing to say.

I’m not about fake convos or empty small talk to soothe someone’s insecurity.
If I have something to share, I will.
And if I don’t, I won’t force it.

Sometimes I’m just anti-social.
Why?

Because everyone I ever trusted…
my ride-or-dies,
my best friend,
the love of my life…
walked away when I needed them most.

You ever been paralyzed and left for dead by the people who swore they’d stay?

I have.

Once I was no longer “useful,”
they all disappeared.
And I was discarded like trash.

I broke.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
Over and over again for the last four years.

So when I say I’m fine in my own company…
I mean that shit.

I cried myself to sleep more nights than I can count.
Two of those years?
In a nursing home.
Alone.

I learned how to survive off pain and silence.
I clawed my way out of hell by myself.

Every night, I’d go to the gym,
then sit by the docks in North End Boston…
trying to talk myself out of rolling into the water
and letting it all go.

You know what stopped me?
My kids.

Seeing them every weekend
was the only thing that reminded me to keep breathing.

So no, I’m not playing games.
I’m not withholding affection to make you chase me.
And I sure as hell won’t shower you with attention you haven’t earned.

I’ve been too broken to waste my energy on anything less than real.

If I take time out of my insane life to talk to you?
It’s with good intentions.

Not because I need you.
Not because I’m bored.
But because something in me thought you were worth it.

Call me cold.
Call me selfish.
Call me anything you want…
my inbox is already full of disgusting names from insecure men.

But just know this:

Your words can’t break a woman who feeds on pain.